Tuesday, 30 October 2012
This morning I asked my husband to write me a job description. I did. Honestly - after 10 years of marriage and 8 years of my current job, which is a stay at home mother, I needed a job description. His reaction ... "That's a bit formal isn't it?" I answered with a emphatic "nope, I just want to know what you want me to do, what you expect me to do. I need a guide."
Now before you think I'm messing with you, I want you to know that when I'm in a good space, my philosophy is about compromise and love. Our family is 'normal', I am no doormat who desires to be dominated by her husband. I am a woman who wants to work hard for her family to honour God. It's not actually as complex a subject as what we make out it is. The aim at our address is for submission to be mutual, as well as love and compromise. Isn't that what refines 'relationship'?
Earlier in the year I spoke about how "unmet, unrealistic expectations lead to resentment and disrespect" . So my aim was to avoid unmet expectations. Clearly I wouldn't just spring this on my husband if it weren't for a previous conversation. After a term of significant time invested in organising church things, my husband needed to remind me that I don't work for church, I work for our family. He gently reminded me that our commitment to our family was for me to stay home, if I'm busy working for the church on projects then family can, at times, get the dreggs of me. I knew I was going through a season of projects, but they were good things. I guess sometimes it's easy to say yes to organising things that are good, and forgetting that our ministry begins at home.
Is this all worthy of a job description? Well, kind of. After our discussion I realised that I have never heard from him what he wants me to take care of at home. I expected him to do the lawns, because my father did that at home. When he was growing up, his mother did the lawns. So discussion is needed. I am excited to know what he writes. I can't wait to see what roles he gives me. No doubt challenges await, as do some conversations and compromise. Yet in a sense giving him the space to say what he expects feels very liberating for me. He is leading me, and I love it.
I don't know how your household works or doesn't work. I just wonder if many of us haven't even thought about asking what the other wants. Just wanted to share that in case it got you thinking about your own relationships and what needs to be communicated at your address.