Monday, 8 July 2013

Repentance, Self-condemnation and Sunshine

Saturday afternoon I had somehow managed to find myself alone at home. This is unbelievably precious time for a homeschooling mother. So I savour it and make a cup of tea.

I decide to get into a Bible study I had started 4 months ago and had only done a handful of times.  In God's timing and way, the study was on repentance. Again! This is the third time this week I have been reading different material and come across repentance.  Coincidence?  Nah, no such thing in my book.

After the study I took the time and space to practise what Beth Moore calls 'getting down on our face', inhaling carpet fluff before the King. I find this posture humbling, even writing about it is somewhat humiliating. I'd like to omit this part, but it's good for me to humble myself.  I find I only get super honest with God when I am in a humble posture.  So there I was repenting of my selfishness and naturally I move into praise.  Then I think about my unworthiness, I feel so unworthy to worship God.  I feel ashamed to call on His name. I know my heart is full to over flowing with hypocrisy. I felt unfit to cry out to the Creator.

The sun was shining down on me as I lay on the floor, it could have been beautiful. The house was in peace, yet my heart wasn't, I was disgusted in myself. I kept thinking of Christ's humiliation on the cross, I was there, my sin was present upon Him. His blood dripped down and mingled with my filthy sin.

Suddenly I realised, (thank you sweet Spirit) that not only had he taken the punishment for me, He gave me His record.  My praise is worthy because Christ has made it just that, worthy, that is the only reason.

The next song on the playlist followed, I roll over onto my back and soak in the warmth and red sunlight through my closed eyes.  I place my hands over my closed eyes as the song sings;
I am chosen, I am free
I am Living for eternity
Free now forever
You picked me up, turned me around
You set my feet on solid ground
Yours now forever
And nothing’s gonna hold me back
Nothing’s gonna hold me back
Nothing’s gonna hold me back
The blackness of covered eyes are a stark difference to the brightness as I raise my hands in worship when I hear;
My chains fell off
My heart was free
I’m alive to live for you
I’m alive to live for you
Amazing Love, how can it be?
You give everything for me
You give everything for me
Everything
Amazing love. Amazing. 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 says"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."And then on a bit in verse 21 "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

It actually said that ... In Him we might become the righteousness of God.
You washed my sin and shame away
The slate is clean; a brand new day
Free now forever
Now boldly I approach your throne
To claim this crown through Christ my own
Yours now forever
And nothing’s gonna hold me back
Nothing’s gonna hold me back
Nothing’s gonna hold me back
I hold myself back. I listen to the voice of selfish pride - self-condemnation is pride. Elise Fitzpatric says "When I come to him in meekness and dependence, I'll learn the difference between proud self-condemnation (which is all about me) and humble conviction of sin (which is all about him, his grace, and his law)." The Holy Spirit is the one who convicts, and empowers us to accept the pardon for our sin.  When we repent we clean the space of our hearts for the Holy Spirit to fill more.
My chains fell off
My heart was free
I’m alive to live for you
I’m alive to live for you
Amazing Love, how can it be?
You give everything for me
You give everything for me
I’m free to live
Free to give
Free to be
I’m free to love you
I am free to live, free to give, free to be, I'm free to love Him.  It's free for me, because He paid the price.  It wasn't cheap, wasn't a bargain, it was costly. For me, for you!

"I tell you, now is the time of God's favour, now is the day of salvation." (2 Cor 6:2)

Repent - turn away from selfishness and turn to Him who loves you so much He took your consequences and punishment for your sin. Humble yourselves and believe in the one who LOVES you and desires your heart to be saved. Precious repentance, precious victory in Christ Jesus.

Lyrics: Nothings Gonna Hold Me Back, Jesus Culture.

No comments:

Post a Comment

What do you think?