Monday, 26 August 2013

Is Home His Favourite Place?

I was reading an interview with a mother and wife, her husband is a musician who spends a lot of time travelling. To make the interview even more interesting - the interviewer just happened to be her musician husband.

One particular part of the interview really got me thinking. She was saying she appreciates how when her husband is home, he doesn't disappear into his office, they see him a lot.  

He replied by saying "Well I know your love language is time. And I actually like you. And usually like the kids. So I want to hang out with you. I know other musicians who feel punished for being gone, nagged, guilt tripped. They don't like being home. You make home my favourite place to be. I never feel guilty."

I started wondering ... How many husbands don't like being home?  

I envy the women who make the effort to welcome their husbands home every time they return. I mean to, but I forget, or I'm stirring,  pouring, wiping, feeding, washing up, defusing, fuming, or tiring. I remember back to the days when the husband would come home and I would hand a child to him within seconds of him walking in the door.  We are way past that point now, but I wonder how it feels to be on the receiving end:
"Hi everyone." 
"Hi, here you go."


I'm not sure I'm sending a much better message now, even though I'm not handing him a child, I am still in 'work' mode.  Quite frankly by the end of the day, I'm tired, homeschooling is fun, but also it takes a lot from you, so come 6pm, I'm weary, and wanting bed time to come fast, both their's and mine. Do I send the message that he is welcome, enjoyed and appreciated?  Or do I make it all about how I am feeling?  

When I was single I use to spend a lot of time with a very expressive friend who let you know her excitement at her husbands return, he was only gone for hours, he was a dairy farmer, he came home for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and yet every time she would be so excited to see him. You could get the feeling she really enjoyed his company.  I use to wish that I would be that devoted, when I found my Mr Right.  

What I've learnt is that she is one unique and special personality, I love her, yet we are very different. I'm more Vanilla compared to her Double Chocolate with Caramel Swirl. I enjoy my husbands company, but I'm not the expressive, squealing type, I express myself differently. Sadly, life has dulled or blurred my expression, and I'm not sure my husband knows I'm happy to see him. I mean happy, not grateful to see him because he can take over some parenting jobs, but happy to see him.

What can I do?  'Pull finger' is a colloquial New Zealand saying, meaning; to just get on with it. Yet changing behaviour like this has more to do with my attitude than it does my actions.  I don't know about you but just deciding to make more of an effort isn't enough. I often decide not to eat any more chocolate, but it doesn't last more than a week.  I think that's called a pathetic disposition rather than determined.  But even more than that, making the decision to change our attitude to our husbands requires the working of the Holy Spirit.  I'm not adding this as a token morsel of spiritual insight at the end.  This is the crux of change. Don't bother without the Holy Spirit. Don't waste your time trying your hardest.  Admit your weakness and ask, plead for help and empowerment from the only One who can change you.  Plead, then comes submission, humility, repentance, and change.  If you want accountability, then tell a friend what you are praying for and ask them to ask you about it.

Lord please, I want to create a home that is my husbands favourite place.

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